That Confused Freak


this is an important post. 




apparently e.l. james called former child star mara wilson (matilda) a “sad fuck” for critiquing the 50shades books a while ago and now there’s a feud. i love it.

I’m in on this feud and I have chosen my side.



This oppressive cyberpunk dystopia is nothing like the oppressive cyberpunk dystopian future I was promised.


This oppressive cyberpunk dystopia is nothing like the oppressive cyberpunk dystopian future I was promised.

Reflections on Cracking Stoicism

I’ve been thinking about feelings a lot lately. Particularly love, and also sadness. A good deal about my own emotional shallowness, in the usual ambivalent way, without too much gravity.

I idly wish that I could fall in love at the drop of the hat, bemusedly watching it in people around me. I value the relative invulnerability and independence of thick skin and high walls. I wonder at why I can care more easily for friends than lovers, and how arbitrary the lines I draw between the two really are.

I reflect on explaining my emotional boundaries to a new partner who cares more easily than I do. And on casually telling the partner I’m definitely not dating that I might be coming around to loving them, maybe, it’s been a year or two after all, and that I would try not to view this development negatively. (And of course they said they were content with unrequited feelings, because they would be.) I remark on the dramatic difference in progression in my interactions with two partners I’ve dated almost exactly the same length of time, and haven’t a clue as to how a weekend trip with the one with whom things have gone slower will change everything.

I feel very deeply alone, although I am thankful for the older friendships in my life that still persist. I think that my social circle is turning again, and that people I care about may be starting to fade out. I can taste the subtle sadness in this realization.

I contemplate how I am a different character for every single person in my life, how these characters are all genuine even if some fit better than others. I think I care more for people who elicit the characters I most enjoy. And I know that I’m a narcissist.

I want, increasingly, to experience the extremes of emotion, to satisfy my fascination with the idea of the experience. I try to hold on to glimpses of joy and moments of sorrow, to embrace the feeling as it happens for fear it may never happen again, because the quiet neutrality I also find so reassuring stretches far and unwavering into the dark.

just a reminder that your friends are and should be as important and valued as your partners.

Do you ever just meet one person

and at first it is awkward

then you start talking

and its like

“holy crap where have you been all my life”







I regret writing this card, it was a mean, cheap joke. We took it out of the game a while ago.

thanks! I wish that more people in comedy realized they could just, uh, do this, and not throw a big fucking stink about it, and go on to make more jokes that are good instead of bad. It is strange that so many people seem to imagine that a simple and sincere apology is a difficult or terrible thing to give.

Cards Against Humanity is a group of people writing immensely offensive joke prompts and punchlines for a living, and if they’re collectively a better person than you are when it comes to being called out on offensive language and jokes, you should really reconsider your behavior.

This is encouraging.

My life is so damned sexy sometimes. What a Tuesday.

Break for NSFW

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I’ve had an angry few days, so I got my head sheared and feel better now.